Like this:

I’m aware that I’m late on this! I had an eventful day of cleaning, napping, then went on a wonderful date and then tie-dyed shirts with my best friend. Cut me some slack here, it’s Sunday!

Well, I’ve conquered a few habits I disliked about myself. Most recently, drinking…even though I didn’t drink everyday, I drank enough in a weekend to last me a month…every weekend. It was getting expensive and of course, unhealthy. I’ve got 1 month and 6 days sober, and I feel really good about that.

Anyway- a current habit of mine that I hate is chewing the skin around my fingernails until my fingers bleed. I don’t remember when I started doing this, but it’s out of control! I need to buy some nice gloves or something. I don’t know if it’s a nervous habit (I am quite the agoraphobic- I don’t pick my nails in my apartment, I’ve noticed.) or if it’s something I do out of boredom sometimes. I’d like to have pretty enough natural nails to get a manicure sometime soon. My nails do grow fast and are pretty nice to be natural nails, but I don’t like long nails so I cut them short and chow down on my fingers.

OMNOMNOMNOMNOM

There’s a song by the Dresden Dolls called “Bad Habit” and everyone usually thinks it’s about cutting but from what I understand, it’s actually about Amanda Palmer’s bad fingernail-biting habit. It makes sense:

biting keeps your words at bay
ending to the sores that stay
happiness is just a gash away
when i open a familiar scar
pain goes shooting like a star
comfort hasn’t failed to follow so far

and you might say it’s self-indulgent
you might say it’s self-destructive
but you see it’s more productive
than if i were to be happy

& pens and pen-knives take the blame
crane my neck & scratch my name
but the ugly marks
are worth the momentary gain
when i jab a sharpened object in
choirs of angels seem to sing
hymns of hate in memorandum

and you might say it’s self-indulgent
you might say it’s self-destructive
but you see it’s more productive
than if i were to be healthy

and sappy songs about sex and cheating
bland accounts of two lovers meeting
make me want to give mankind a beating

and as the skin rips off
i cherish the revolting thought
that even if i quit
there’s not a chance in hell i’d stop
and anyone can see the signs
mittens in the summertime
thank-you for your pity,
you are too kind

and you might say it’s self-destructive
but you see i’d kick the bucket
sixty times before i’d kick the habit

and you might say it’s self-inflicted
but you see that’s contradictive
why on earth would anyone practice
self-destruction?

and pain opinions are sitcom feeding
they don’t know that their minds are teething
makes me want to give mankind a beating…

i’ve tried bandages and sinking
i’ve tried gloves and even thinking
i’ve tried vaseline…
i’ve tried everything…

and no-one cares if your back is bleeding
they’re concerned with their hair receding
looking back it was all maltreating
every thought that occurred misleading…
makes me want to give myself a beating…

Hopefully I can shake this bad habit. It’s starting to hurt and I’m running out of Hello Kitty bandaids!

On a positive note…bad habits I have kicked:
-Smoking cigarettes (quit in 2008)
-Drinking alcohol (quit 11/2/2010!!)
-Cutting myself (I once was cutting 5 times a day, now I’m down to less than 5 times a year. Still the most tempting of habits when I’m in a bad place! Was a coping mechanism since age 11. Eek.)

So, if anyone sees any cute gloves out there, let me know!!

It’s actually got a name: Dermatophagia. Hmm.

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